Eliminating personal pronouns from writing

- Your choice of words helps you to portray yourself intelligently to an audience of educated readers. - Using formal language

Discuss the following sentences. How would you improve them?

1.39M

Week1_Seminar 3

1.

School of General Education Disciplines
Academic Writing Course
Week 1
Seminar 3 Language Focus:
Academic Language and Tone
(Part 1)

2. Learning outcomes:

By the end of Seminar 3, students will be able to:
- recognise academic language and tone basic tips
- demonstrate the use of academic language and tone tips

3. Academic Language and Tone.

• Academic writing should be objective.
• If it is subjective or emotional, it will lose persuasiveness
and may be regarded as relying on emotion rather than
building a reasonable argument based on evidence.
• The language of academic writing should therefore
be impersonal, and should not include personal pronouns,
emotional language or informal speech.

4. Eliminating personal pronouns from writing

5. Eliminating personal pronouns from writing

6. Using passive voice

• Use of personal pronouns (I / my / our / us / etc) can make the tone of writing too subjective, and
should be avoided.
• Tip 1: Eliminate personal pronouns. In some cases, these pronouns may simply be eliminated.
• Tip 2: Eliminate pronouns and make minor adjustments. In other cases, minor adjustments
may be needed.
• Tip 3: Use passive voice. The passive voice allows the action rather than the ‘doer’ to be emphasized, making the
sentence less personal. In this case, the ‘doer’ is obviously the writer of the paper, so it can be de-emphasized or
eliminated from the sentence, making the stance less direct and more academic.

7. Using passive voice

8. Evidence based

• Tip 4: Relate your writing to the evidence, not to your thinking. Writing is much more persuasive when it relates
to evidence, which is why the words and phrases in the chart below on the left are seldom used in academic writing
compared to those in the chart on the right:

9. Evidence based

10. Evidence based

• Tip 4: Relate your writing to the evidence, not to your thinking. Writing is much more persuasive when it
relates to evidence.
• Compare examples below:

11. Evidence based

• Tip 4: Relate your writing to the evidence, not to your thinking. Writing is much more persuasive when it
relates to evidence.
• Compare examples below:

12. Task A

• Make the following sentences less personal by removing all personal pronouns ("I", "me",
"my", "you", "we", "us", "our", etc.)
• Consider whether to use active or passive voice and make sure each sentence is
grammatically correct.
• Message in the chat box.
1. In my opinion, Edward Snowden may have been foolish in releasing
classified documents to the media.
2. Let me show you the different sides of the argument in the following paper.
3. From my point of view, using medical technology to extend human life has
more advantages than disadvantages.

13. No ”you”

• Tip 4: Relate your writing to the evidence, not to your thinking. Writing is much more persuasive when it
relates to evidence.
• Tip 5: Do not address the reader as ‘you’.

14. No emotions

• Tip 6: AVOID the following judgmental and emotional language in academic writing:

15. No emotions

• Tip 6: AVOID the following judgmental and emotional language in academic writing:

16. No phrasal verbs

17. No phrasal verbs

18. No phrasal verbs

19. No contractions

• Tip 6: AVOID the following judgmental and emotional language in academic writing:
• Tip 7: Avoid phrasal verbs. Phrasal verbs such as build up, go up, go down, go back (etc) are
commonly used in spoken English, but seldom in academic writing as they are too
‘conversational’. Compare the following:
• Tip 8: Avoid contractions, weak words and slang expressions. Compare the following:

20. No unspecific and very basic words

21. No unspecific and very basic words

22. No unspecific and very basic words

23. No unspecific and very basic words

24. Task B

• Drag and drop the problem on the right to the example of that problem on the left.
• There is only one type of problem in each sentence.
• Message your answers in the meeting chat box
a. Because the issue has become serious, we must work together to find a solution.
1. The writer uses slang (everyday /
conversational language)
b. It is an undeniable fact that smoking is appalling and will cause an early death.
2
2. The writer's language is too absolute
/ definite
c. If you think change is necessary, you need to take an action.
7
3. The writer's language is too
emotional
d. Action must be taken immediately to save the young and innocent pillars of future
society.
3
4. The writer uses a personal pronoun
e. Too much advertising may have a bad effect on children which may not be good for
society.
5
5. The writer's word choice is poor
f. If society doesn't strive towards improvement, it seems that it won't progress.
6
6. The writer uses contractions (short
forms)
g. I think the problem may be solved through teamwork and cooperation.
8
7. The reader is addressed as 'you'
h. The issue was a big deal for those involved and it was kind of cool.
1
8. The writer refers to what he/she
thinks rather than the evidence
i. Society may need to keep an eye on advertisers. Specifically, they may need to check out
the techniques of subliminal messaging often found in adverts.
9
9. The writer uses phrasal verbs instead
academic one word alternatives.

25. - Your choice of words helps you to portray yourself intelligently to an audience of educated readers. - Using formal language

in academic writing allows
you to communicate accurately and effectively,
and to gain credibility and the trust of your
audience.

26. Using Bias-free and Inclusive Language

• APA provides a wealth of science-backed guidance to help
you describe other people with dignity and respect. Start with
the general principles for avoiding bias in language and
cultivating an inclusive mindset; then apply those
principles to specific topic areas. For more details, read the
Bias-Free Language Guidelines and the Inclusive
Language Guide.
American Psychological Association. (2023). Brief guide to bias-free and incluisve
language. https://apastyle.apa. org/instructional-aids/inclusive-language.pdf

27. Using Bias-free and Inclusive Language

American Psychological Association. (2023). Brief guide to bias-free and
incluisve language. https://apastyle.apa. org/instructional-aids/inclusivelanguage.pdf

28.

When referring to a generic person use “THEY”
The client is usually the best judge of the value of his The client is usually the best judge of counseling. /
counseling.
The client is usually the best judge of their
counseling.
Do not use the generic “he.” Instead, rewrite the
sentence or use singular “they.”
Each employee should do his or her best.
Singular "they" is inclusive.
Employees should do their best. / Each employee
should do their best.
Avoid gendered occupational titles; instead, use a gender-neutral term to avoid implying that all people in that role are of a particular gender.
Foreman
Supervisor, superintendent
Use non-gendered professional titles.
Housewife
Homemaker
Neutral term.
Mailman
Postal worker, letter carrier
Avoid male-specific terms.
Salesmanship
Selling ability
Focus on skill rather than gender.
Stewardess
Flight attendant
Gender-neutral.
Waitress
Server
Inclusive and neutral.
Chairman (academic department)
Chair, chairperson
Use unless the official title is "chairman."
Chairman (presiding officer)
Chair, chairperson, moderator, discussion leader
Use inclusive titles.

29. Using the correct pronouns

Each researcher must submit their final report by the deadline.
✅ (Uses singular "they" for inclusivity.)
Researchers must submit their final reports by the deadline. ✅
(Rewritten in plural form to avoid gendered pronouns.)
Each researcher is responsible for submitting a final report by
the deadline. ✅ (Avoids the need for a pronoun altogether

30.

Do not use “man” to refer to all human beings. Use more inclusive terms instead
Problematic Language
Suggested Alternative
Comment
Mankind
Humankind, humanity, people
Avoid using "man" to refer to all human beings.
Man a project
Staff a project, hire personnel, employ staff
Use neutral verbs and nouns.
Man–machine interface
User–system interface, human–computer interface
Use inclusive terminology.
Manpower
Man’s search for knowledge
Problematic Language
Workforce, personnel, human resources
The search for knowledge
Avoid gendered terms.
Neutral phrasing works best.
Suggested Alternative
Comment
Wheelchair-bound / confined to a wheelchair
Wheelchair user
Avoid restrictive and negative connotations.
AIDS victim
Cripple
Invalid
Person with AIDS
Person with a physical disability
Person with a disability
Nuts, crazy, insane
Alcoholic, meth addict
Person with a mental illness
Person with alcohol use disorder
Avoiding Euphemisms
Person with a disability
"Victim" implies helplessness.
"Cripple" is outdated and offensive.
"Invalid" suggests worthlessness and should be
avoided.
Use precise, neutral medical terminology.
Avoid defining a person by their condition.
Differently abled
Special needs
Handi-capable
She suffers from epilepsy.
He is afflicted with cerebral palsy.
They were born with a defect.
Person with a disability
Person with a disability
Relevance of Mentioning a Disability
She has epilepsy.
He has cerebral palsy.
They have a congenital disability.
Many people with disabilities find this term
condescending.
"Special" can imply separation and inequality.
Often seen as patronizing.
Avoid language that implies suffering.
"Afflicted with" suggests a negative burden.
"Defect" is negative and dehumanizing.

31. Discuss the following sentences. How would you improve them?

1.
A skilled programmer must constantly improve his coding abilities.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
The client is usually the best judge of the value of his or her counseling.
The fireman’s ability to respond quickly is crucial for public safety.
The company is looking for manpower to enhance its research division.
He is confined to a wheelchair, which limits his participation in lab experiments.
A person suffering from schizophrenia may have difficulty following a structured
academic schedule.
Each researcher must submit his final report by the deadline.
7.

32. Individual task

• At the link below, review some academic alternatives
discussed earlier today:
https://quizlet.com/30415108/using-academic-vocabulary-flashcards/
• More academic words are at:
http://www.phrasebank.manchester.ac.uk/

33. Thank you for participating!

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